God I'm frustrated... But I trust you. This sums up my last couple months. Real open and honest conversations with my heavenly Father that despite what is said, they always seem to end with “I trust you... Even when I can’t see why or what your plan is, I know that you are good. Your plan is for good. You know that I am frustrated about so many things. This thing called life is harder than I ever imagined. But, Your promises still stand. You have always been faithful to me and I can still trust my everything with You. Here are my open shaking hands Lord. My life and my future are Yours. Lord, glorify Your name."
I have missed connecting with so many of you here, but I needed to take some time to just be still. Disconnecting from everything was a big part of that. Thank you for all of the messages and prayers. Between all that is going on in this country, my health and my family's health declining again from the harsh Minnesota winters, along with leftover C-Virus symptoms, I needed to just step away from everything and focus on Jesus and healing. I should probably say "sit away" since I still don’t move much.
During that time, God took our 32 year old sister-in-law to heaven after fighting breast cancer which opened a bunch of fears for myself and my children, along with the hard realities of life. My heart just breaks for the earthly loss of this wonderful woman and the two little girls and husband she left behind. I am reminded that God must have needed her more in Heaven than we did here on this earth. Thankfully I will see her again one day with a perfect body and no more suffering. Grief is hard when you are already grieving so much.
This life is not what we expected and living with an array of chronic illnesses that so many don’t understand makes it even harder. Very few people in our world get what so many of us in these valleys face everyday. That came flooding back along with a lot of trauma as we were not able to be at the funeral and continue to miss out on life. I have said so often to my husband that over these last few years, I feel like I myself have died to many who were previously in my life. People have become accustomed to our family not being around. Gradually we have become irrelevant and almost disappeared not just from society, but from our own life.
There is so much h a r d as we walk through these lonely valleys. Things that I don't have the ability to even process yet because my body is not ready. Despite it all, I know God can and will bring beauty from these ashes that are surrounding me. He will restore and redeem what the enemy meant for evil. He has a plan and a purpose for everything. I am praising Him for the gains I have seen in my body as I continue to trust and stand on what He has spoken over my own life and my family. Even when I can’t see it, I know He is right there in the thick of it with me and my puddle of tears and frustration. He is right there with you too, friend.
I would encourage you to write down the powerful reminder at the top of this post that is written by Sharone Jaynes. Put it somewhere where you can see it daily. Hold fast to these truths. "God has the power to redeem what we consider unredeemable. To heal what we consider fatally wounded. To make our worst chapters our greatest victories." Yes! God can and He will. Keep trusting Him. Just know that I am back on my accounts, so please reach out if you need a virtual hug, someone to pray for you or just a listening ear. You are loved and seen - tears, frustration and all.
Amy<3
To Keep Up To Date With My Life & Find Encouragement
Get all our updates and encouragement sent directly to your email.
Get all our updates and encouragement sent directly to your email.