Tonight my family is at our neighborhood National Night Out event without me again for the third year in a row and here I lay. It's just a casual little social event, but I would still give everything to be with them. Missing out on things is always a hard reminder of where my life is currently at. I could feel all the "feels" that come along with this, but instead tonight I choose to smile, acknowledge my disappointment and then turn my focus to what I did get to do. Choosing to be grateful doesn't mean to fake being "happy" or "positive". I feel sadness and grief very deeply. I feel so I can heal and then I choose to turn my focus on what I'm grateful for in this moment.
I have found it is good to recognize the disappointments and sadness that comes in this valley. I need to so they don't keep building up as they can often be a daily occurrence. I acknowledge, recognize my feelings and tell Jesus all about them. BUT, I don't dwell or stay in that place. I lay them at the foot of the cross, letting our Heavenly Father walk through every disappointment with me and knowing that He cares deeply about what affects me. I can trust him with it all. One day I am sure I will sit and grieve everything more fully and deeply. When that time comes, I know God will be grieving right along with me.
Today I choose to focus on the good of this life that I have been given, all the fun that my kiddos are having tonight and I embrace what I did get to do! Simple things like getting dressed out of my pj's, wearing a tight messy bun that didn't trigger any neurological symptoms (excuse the day six hair), making it downstairs to our living room couch with a good book along with my bible and being able to actually tolerate reading. The fact that I tried a new supplement and reintroduced a new food successfully without a mast cell reaction is a huge win. Having enough energy to walk back up the stairs and take a long bath to wash that day six hair - finally!!! All small things, but things that I never take for granted anymore. Changing our perspective really can be life changing.
"Joy is a function of gratitude, and gratitude is a function of perspective. You only begin to change your life when you begin to change the way you see."
Ann Voskamp
I love this quote from Ann Voskamp. When I look around at my life, instead of seeing all the trials, daily struggles and things I am missing out on, I instead try to find things I can be grateful for. I start thanking God for all the blessings He has poured out into my life and all the things I still am able to do. Instead of focusing on how poorly I've been feeling and all that my body has prevented me from doing, I can instead choose to focus on all the things my body can still do and all the ways it is daily fighting for me to get better.
When you change your perspective and start to choose gratitude, that's when you can start to find joy in the small, everyday moments - and that's when you can begin to change your life. One gratitude at a time. So, tonight I rest with a heart full of gratitude and a peace that one year, I will be able to join my family at our neighborhood party. Perspective is everything!
Amy<3
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