The more time you spend away from the noise, in a quiet place, breathing in, breathing out, letting His presence fill every corner of the room and every corner of your mind, the more you will begin to see your worries about the future take a back seat, as you let Him take the lead and bring you where you need to be.
-Morgan Harper Nichols -
Open hands to wherever God is leading me and whatever He wants to do. The place of surrender is where I want to stay. My heart's cry completely echoes this song... " So let all that I am, be consumed by who you are, oh the glory of Your presence. What more could I ask for." Yes. Yes. YES! On repeat at my house lately. More of you Jesus and less of me as all the worries, frustrations, what if's and unknowns fade into the background. This is the place I long to stay.
Being in a season where your life is constantly being stripped and broken is hard. Being refined in such a hot fire that is so misunderstood for so long is even harder. I used to wonder somedays who this person standing in front of me is anymore because my body has failed me on so many levels and it can't even handle the basic functions of life most days. I have never experienced a more raw fear. To feel completely out of control of your body and to even lose trust in it can be such a scary place to be.
I remember during the first year of my illness where my body was "crashing" every few days if not every day at times. We were constantly in and out of the ER and urgent care with very little answers and absolutely no help. I would often leave those visits worse than when I came. I was battling fear at a level I had never felt and it was starting to consume me. I knew if this continued, the fear would kill me before whatever was attacking my body was able to.
I came to a place one night where I woke up gasping for air and of course fear was right there waiting for me. The tears just wouldn't stop. I was still mobile on my own, so I weakly shuffled out to our couch after eating my 12th meal of the day, just trying to get my body to somewhat stabilize itself. I sat down and in my head I drew a large circle around my entire body. I told God I was not going to move until He stepped in and took this horribly toxic fear out of my mind and my life. I couldn't handle it anymore. It never left. I could feel it just waiting to pounce every minute of the day. It was relentless.
I sat there on our couch the rest of the night speaking His promises over my body, surrendering the fear over to Him and praying life into my weary bones. At some point, the fear lifted. I can't even tell you the exact moment, but all of a sudden I knew it was gone and I knew that it wasn't going to come back. I had such peace that the Lord had stepped in and answered my prayers.
Yes- I still have moments of fearfulness in my life, but it is different. I wouldn't even call it fear - more like deep worry and a longing to have an end date to my suffering. Whatever it is, it never lasts long and it isn't all consuming. When those doubts and worries now creep into my life, I can feel the Holy Spirit come rushing in to battle them for me. And honestly, within minutes most times, the fear gets replaced with peace, with the promises God has given me and with His perfect love.
It has been several years since that night and I can still honestly say that our Heavenly Father has kept fear away from me. Yes, I still worry. I still have anxious thoughts, but I do not fear the future. I do not fear anything the enemy tries to throw at me. They are not consuming my life or my body any longer. And trust me, my sickness and the things I could fear have only gotten worse since that night, but the life sucking fear has left. All glory to God!
Wherever you are tonight my friend, please know that the Father is there with you and He wants to take whatever worry or fear you may be carrying. Let Him carry it for you. I would encourage you to find this song and let it wash over your life today as His presence brings comfort and peace to whatever you may be facing. You are loved and I am always here if you need someone.
Amy<3
With You
by: Elevation Worship
Beneath the surface
Of my anxious imagination
Beckons a calmness
That is found in you alone
It washes over every doubt, every imperfection
Jesus your presence is the comfort of my soul
There's nowhere I'd rather be
When you're singing over me
I just wanna be here with you
I'm lost in your mystery
I'm found in your love for me
I just wanna be here with you
Here in the waiting
I won't worry about tomorrow
No need to focus
On the things I can't control
All my attention
On the wonder of this moment
Jesus your presence is the comfort of my soul
There's nowhere I'd rather be
When you're singing over me
I just wanna be here with you
I'm lost in your mystery
I'm found in your love for me
I just wanna be here with you
So let all that I am
Be consumed with who you are
Oh the glory of your presence
What more could I ask for?
You're all I've ever needed
You're everything to me
There's nowhere I'd rather be
When you're singing over me
I just wanna be here with you
I'm lost in your mystery
I'm found in your love for me
I just wanna be here with you
And I just love your presence
I just really love your presence
What could be better than this moment with you, God?
I've never known a love like you
I've never known a peace so real
There's nothing, there's nothing I want more than you, Jesus
We're here to meet with you Father
We're here to give you every part, every part
You deserve it
You deserve it
So let all that I am
Be consumed with who you are
Oh the glory of your presence
What more could I ask for?
There's no one else for me, Lord
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